Another Friday Funny

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Gatiep and Maraai are in court getting a divorce.
The problem being who should get custody of the child.
Maraai jumped up and said:
"Haai your Honour, I brought the child into the world
with pain and labour.
She should be in my custody!!

The judge turns to Gatiep and says
"Gatiep, what do you have to say in your defence?"
Gatiep sat for a while contemplating.
Then slowly rose.

"Jour Honour, answer me this, if I puts 6 Rand in the vending machine
and a Coke comes out,
Whose Coke is it, the machine’s or mine??

[Navrik]

Hectic airshow Rip...these guys are taking some serious risks.

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[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZi41UJdrfs[/youtube]

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Paddy was working at the fish plant in Cork when he accidentally cut off all 10 of his fingers.
He went to the emergency room in Cork 's hospital.

The doctor looked at Paddy and said, 'Lets be avin' da fingers and I'll see what oi can do'.

Paddy said, 'Oi haven't got da fingers......'

'Whadda ya mean you haven't got da fingers?
Lord Tunderin' Jesus, it's 2014!
We's got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have put dem back on and made you like new!
Why didn't ya bring da fingers?!?'

And Paddy said,
' How da fock was I 'spose to pick them up !!!

[Jim_From_Zim]

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[Baarshaas]

I will be Mary's little lamb
But dont care much for her surfboard

[Jim_From_Zim]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gozWD_aFApo[/youtube]

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If Scotland gains its independence after the forthcoming referendum, the remainder of the United Kingdom will be known as the "Former United Kingdom" (FUK).

In a bid to discourage Scots from voting 'yes' in the referendum, the Government have now begun to campaign with the slogan:

"Vote NO, for FUK's sake!” They feel that Scottish voters will be able to relate to this !

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[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HWR1Qo6e3K4[/youtube]

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[theBee]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CAO-Fzvyttw[/youtube]

[basscrazyJon]

The Farmer, The Warden, The Dynamite   Every Sunday afternoon everyone in the neighborhood would meet at the nearby cross roads and country store to compare their weekend catches. Everyone had normal size fish except this one old farmer who had always brought in huge fish. The game warden heard about this and showed up one Sunday afternoon. After inspecting the old farmers fish, he turned to the farmer and said "If you don't show me your fishing spot , I'm going to have to close you down." The farmer replied by telling him to come out to the farm in the morning and he would take him fishing. The next morning the game warden shows up with his pole and the farmer tells him to climb onto the tractor. They head out into this big field until they come to a little pond. The warden is scratching his head because all he sees is a rotten old skiff, when he expected a large lake and something closer to a yacht. The farmer said to get in and they start rowing out to the middle. About this time the warden notices that there are no fishing poles. As he is about to say something, the farmer reaches into a box and pulls out a stick of dynamite, lights it and throws it into the pond. After the water and smoke settle, he paddles around picking up the fish. The warden's jaw is on the deck. He can't talk for a minute. When he finds his voice, he starts in on the farmer about how he can't believe what just happened and starts screaming to the farmer about all the regulations he has broken. While this is taking place the farmer calmly reaches into the box grabs another stick of dynamite, lights it, hands it to the warden and asks him if he is going to fish or talk.

[basscrazyJon]

True Fishing Terms   

Catch and Release - A conservation motion that happens most often right before the local Fish and Game officer pulls over a boat that has caught over it's limit.

Hook -
(1) A curved piece of metal used to catch fish.
(2) A clever advertisement to entice a fisherman to spend his live savings on a new rod and reel.
(3) The punch administered by said fisherman's wife after he spends their life savings (see also, Right Hook, Left Hook).

Line - Something you give your coworkers when they ask on Monday how your fishing went the past weekend.

Lure - An object that is semi-enticing to fish, but will drive an angler into such a frenzy that he will charge his credit card to the limit before exiting the tackle shop.

Reel - A weighted object that causes a rod to sink quickly when dropped overboard.

Rod - An attractively painted length of fiberglass that keeps an angler from ever getting too close to a fish.

School - A grouping in which fish are taught to avoid your $29.99 lures and hold out for spam instead.

Tackle - What your last catch did to you as you reeled him in, but just before he wrestled free and jumped back overboard.

Tackle Box - A box shaped alarmingly like your comprehensive first aid kit. Only a tackle box contains many sharp objects, so that when you reach in the wrong box blindly to get a Band Aid, you soon find that you need more than one.

Test -
(1) The amount of strength a fishing line affords an angler when fighting fish in a specific weight range.
(2) A measure of your creativity in blaming that darn line for once again losing the fish.

(Edited by Nav to make things a bit more readable)

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