Another Friday Funny

[Jim_From_Zim]

An over 40 lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one. Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can't do that. I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner. His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner..

Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too?

[Kassie]

The Congress of SA Trade Unions homed in on Springbok captain Victor Matfield's choice of scrum cap as it questioned why so few black players were in big games, Beeld reported on Thursday.



During the match between South Africa and Scotland in Port Elizabeth on Saturday, Matfield played in the cap “of the former South African riot squad”, according to Cosatu.

Beeld provided a front page comparison of Matfield in his Blue Bulls camouflage scrum cap, and two white men in camouflage caps with rifles, and the question: “What on earth has Vic got to do with the SA Police?”

Cosatu said Matfield did not grasp the effect this had on black people and proposed he rather wear a cap with the country's new national symbols.

Cosatu reportedly asked Sport Minister Fikile Mbalula to intervene at the SA Rugby Union which it claimed was an “old boys club” which gave preference to white players.

Saru said it would not comment at all.

[Bergie]

OMG I wanna puke..... :blue-evil: :blue-evil:

[Crafty]

These guys are such idiots. I cannot believe the extent of their level of moron. I just wish we had a bass fishing country we can all move to and live out our days being productive workers and fishing our arses off when we get a gap -IN PEACE. So tired of this BS. Such ignorance and idiocy is just unbelievable ... so unbelievable YOU CANT MAKE THIS STUFF UP!

[Riprap]

Good to see that militancy is still alive and well since ol' dear Fikile chanted "kill the boere......"! What a load of cr*p we have to deal with in this country!! Run the country rather, we beg you......

[Jim_From_Zim]

A man escapes from a prison where he’s been locked up for 15 years
He breaks into a house and inside, he finds a young couple in bed.
He ties the man to a chair. While tying the wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he’s in there, the husband whispers over to his wife,
“Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He’s probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years.
I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain. Do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!”

She responds: “He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he’s gay, thinks you’re cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too.”

[bblunt]

Woooooo eh eh!!!!! :blue-shock:

[Donster]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?annotation...n6anXlHmb8

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qn6anXlHmb8[/youtube]

there you go you bunch of clowns - Rip.

[Baarshaas]

That hillbilly is sooooooo funny bru !!!!

[Kassie]

That hillbilly is sooooooo funny bru !!!!

Isn't that Riprap's cuzzin?

[Riprap]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0QmKHfYfovk[/youtube]

[Riprap]

A father walks into a restaurant with his young son. He gives the young boy three one Rand coins to play with to keep him occupied.

Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the coins and starts slapping him on the back. The boy coughs up two of the coins, but keeps choking. Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.

A well-dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman in a blue business suit is sitting at the coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.

Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last coin, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.

Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the one Rand coin to the father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor? "

"No," the woman replied, "I'm with the South African Revenue Service”

[Riprap]

So Eskom might do some good after all!

We had a power cut last week and my PC,TV and Games Console shut down immediately. ..

It was raining - I couldn't go fishing so I talked to my Wife for a few Hours.

She seems like a nice person.

[Kassie]

PSG owners searching for David Luiz's receipt

[Kassie]