Another Friday Funny

[Riprap]

A friend went to Beijing recently and was given this brochure by the hotel. It is precious.
She is keeping it and reading it whenever she feels depressed.
Obviously, it has been translated directly, word for word from Mandarin to English.


Getting There:
Our representative will make you wait at the airport. The bus to the hotel runs along the lake shore. Soon you will feel pleasure in passing water. You will know that you are getting near the hotel, because you will go round the bend. The manager will await you in the entrance hall. He always tries to have intercourse with all new guests.

The Hotel:
This is a family hotel, so children are very welcome. We of course are always pleased to accept adultery. Highly skilled nurses are available in the evenings to put down your children. Guests are invited to conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others. But please note that ladies are not allowed to have babies in the bar. We organize social games, so no guest is ever left alone to play with them self.

The Restaurant:
Our menus have been carefully chosen to be ordinary and unexciting. At dinner, our quartet will circulate from table to table, and fiddle with you.

Your Room:
Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In winter, every room is on heat. Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity! .. You will not be disturbed by traffic noise, since the road between the hotel and the lake is used only by pederasts.

Bed:
Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition. If you have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid. Please take advantage of her. She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear. If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers.

Above All:
When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope. You will struggle to forget it

[Jim_From_Zim]

So true...
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[Riprap]

If I was facing impeachment I would probably also give Barry a ring....hahahaaa!

[Riprap]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5FFRoYhTJQQ[/youtube]

[Jim_From_Zim]

After landing my new job as a Makro greeter, I lasted less than a day.
About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud,
unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids,
yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

As I had been instructed, I said, pleasantly,
“Good morning and welcome to Makro.”
I then said, “Nice children you have there. Are they twins?”

The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say,
“Hell no, they ain't twins.
The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7.
Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?”

So I replied,
“I'm neither blind nor stupid, Madam. I just couldn't believe someone shagged you twice.”

My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work

[Riprap]

Wahahaaaa Jim.
Tell me, does this fish remind you of anyone......

[ATTACHMENT NOT FOUND]

[Scottydog]

Wahahaaaa Jim.
Tell me, does this fish remind you of anyone......

[ATTACHMENT NOT FOUND]

NO MAKEUP SELFIE? LOL

[Jim_From_Zim]

Someone or many individuals?

[bassmaster]

hahahahaha little shit!!! :blue-biggrin: :blue-cool:

[Riprap]

Murphy, a furniture dealer from Dublin, decided to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris to see what he could find.

After arriving in Paris, he visited with some manufacturers and selected a line that he thought would sell well back home. To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a small bar and have a glass of wine.

As he sat enjoying his wine, he noticed that the small place was quite crowded, and that the other chair at his table was the only vacant seat in the house.

Before long, a very beautiful young Parisian girl came to his table, asked him something in French (which Murphy could not understand), so he motioned to the vacant chair and invited her to sit down.

He tried to speak to her in English, but she did not speak his language. After a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it to her. She nodded, so he ordered a glass of wine for her.

After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin, and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded. They left the bar and found a quiet bistro that featured a small group playing romantic music.

They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing. She nodded, and they got up to dance. They danced until the bistro closed and the band was packing up.

Back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a four-poster bed on it.

To this day, Murphy has no idea how she figured out that he was in the furniture business.

[Valrath]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cpOHTThrJfU[/youtube]

Preview loaded by Nav

[Riprap]

Quite enjoyed this one Wrath, thanks.

[Q]

Yes, very well done. The video has gone viral on YouTube and Facebook. Don't you just love our prez (sarcastically said).

[Riprap]

[ATTACHMENT NOT FOUND]

This BEE innovative idea is maybe ?

1. To create space inside the toilet?
2. Or so it can be used as an outside basin to wash your hands?
3. Or so designed with the slope of the roof allowing the rain to refill the cistern?
4. Or maybe their building plans were upside down or inside out?
5. Or designed easy enough to steal the cistern?

One will never know!

[Kassie]

No. 6. So the cows can drink from the cistern