Another Friday Funny

[Riprap]

I was in a restaurant last Saturday night having dinner and noticed two large women in the next booth. They both had strong accents so I asked ” Hey, are you ladies from Ireland?”

One of them chirped: “It’s Wales you freaking Idiot”.

So I apologized and said, ” Sorry are you two whales from Ireland?”.

That’s pretty much the last thing I remember!!

[Rory]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z6Z3vq6iIY8[/youtube]

Try not to cry....

Preview fixed by Nav

[Navrik]

Brilliant...could not help myself...had to cry a little bit!

Still battling to pull myself off the floor! :blue-lol: :lol:

[Riprap]

"If SARS issues each of us an average R3,620 in tax refunding and we spend that money at the shopping centres or buy Springbok jerseys, the money all goes to China. If we spend it on petrol it all goes to the Arabs. If we buy a computer, it will go to India . The Philips TV factory at Martindale closed down years ago - buy a TV and the money goes to Korea. If we purchase fruits and vegetables it will all go to Israel and Kenya. If we purchase a good car, it will all go to Germany . If we purchase useless rubbish articles, it will all go to Taiwan and none of it will help the struggling South African economy.
The only way to keep that money here at home is to spend it all on prostitutes, dagga, wine and beer, since these are the only products still produced in SA..

Let's continue keeping it “PROUDLY SOUTH AFRICAN" !

[Rory]

" The Philips TV factory at Martindale closed down years ago - buy a TV and the money goes to Korea.

That was their fault too....

[Riprap]

A man walks into a cocktail lounge and approaches an attractive woman sitting by herself and asks,
"May I buy you a cocktail?"

"No thank you," she replies, "alcohol is bad for my legs."

"Sorry to hear that. Do they swell?"

"No, they spread."

[Ninja]

Bwhahahahaha ... Rip jou ou duiwel! :blue-biggrin: :blue-lol: :blue-biggrin:

[Riprap]

Julius Malema got home last night to find his daughter crying in her room.
She said "Dad, your are going to be very cross with me but please forgive me cos I'm pregnant".
"Don't worry my daughter, please don't cry because we have technology nowadays to check on things like this and maybe it's not as bad as you say" he said. "We have technology in the new SA and we can do a DNA test and who knows.....maybe the baby is not even yours............"!

[Riprap]

You gotta see this:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6a8Eimr-fm0[/youtube]

[Kassie]

Found this little gem on Rugby365 and thought I'd share

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v4OttPgPJYE[/youtube]

[Floatie]

A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa’s gone to heaven?"

Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend."

Grandma turned on the TV, but the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the back of the TV set hoping to fix the problem.

The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door and there stood Grandma's local church minister. The minister said, "Hello son, is your Grandma home?"

The little boy replied, "Yeah, she's in the bedroom banging her boyfriend !"

[Riprap]

Children Writing About the Ocean...


1) - This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly, age 6)

2) - Oysters' balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6)

3) - If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island. If you don't
have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. (age 7)

4) - Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily
Richardson She's not my friend any more. (Kylie, age 6)

5) - A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head.. (Billy, age 8)

6) - My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and pots
and comes back with crabs. (Millie, age 6)

7) - When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the
ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn't blow the sailors would whistle to
make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off
eating beans. (William, age 7)

8) - Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and
I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant?
Like, really? (Helen, age 6)

9) - I'm not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is always
crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got
pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy, age 6)

10) - Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can
give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think
they have to plug themselves in to chargers.
(Christopher, age 7)

11) - When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes
my willy small. (Kevin, age 6)

12) - Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers can't
go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky, age 8)

13) - On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was
going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired
right up her big fat ass.. (Julie, age 7)

14) - The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don't drown
I don't know. (Bobby, age 6)

15) - My dad was a sailor on the ocean He knows all about the ocean.
What he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom.
(James, age 7)

[Riprap]

[ATTACHMENT NOT FOUND]

[Riprap]

WARNING.........AGTUNG..........INGOZI

[ATTACHMENT NOT FOUND]

[Rory]

True story....