A Blond One...

[Bergie]

On a stinking hot summers day, a blond comes into town with her dog, tied it to a tree in the shade and heads into a restaurant for something cool to drink.....

Twenty minutes later, a policeman enters the restaurant and asks 'Who owns the dog tied under that tree outside?' The blond said, It was her's! 'Your dog seems to be in heat'. the officer said. The blond reply "No way....She's cool cause she's tied up under that shaded tree!' The policeman responded..."No! You don't understand....Your dog needs to be bred!"....

'No way,' the blond answers. 'My dog doesn't need bread...She isn't hungry cos I feed her this morning.'

The exasperated policeman said, 'NO! You don't understand....Your dog wants to have sex!'

The blond looked at the policeman and said.....(wait for it..) ...'Well go ahead. I always wanted a police dog............. :blue-biggrin: :blue-biggrin:

[antonb]

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is usually the husband.

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first: the truck, the car, e-mail, and fishing, always something important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a few minutes. When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. "When you finish cutting the grass,"

I said, "you might as well sweep the driveway."

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

[antonb]

BERGIE JUST FOR YOU

MAKLIKE KERSKOEK RESEPPIE

(Hierdie is die maklikste resep ooit!)

Bestanddele:

1 Koppie Water

1 Teelepel Koeksoda

1 Koppie Suiker

1 Teelepel Sout

1 Koppie Bruin Suiker

Suurlemoensap

4 Groot Eiers

Neute

1 Bottel Brandewyn

2 Koppies droë Vrugte

Metode:

Proe die Brandewyn om die gehalte te toets.

Neem 'n groot mengbak en proe die Brandewyn..

Maak seker dis die beste gehalte, skink een koppie vol en drink dit. Herhaal.

Skakel die menger aan. Klits een koppie botter in 'n donsige bak.

Voeg 'n teelepel suiker by. Klits weer.

Maak seker die Brandwyn is sjteeds goed.

Drink nog 'n koppie vir die wis en onwis.

Skakel die menger af.

Breek twee eiers, gooi dit en die droëvrugte by. Tel die vrugte van die vloer af op. Meng die skakelaar aan.

As die droëvrugte vassjit, sjkroewedraaier dit losj.

Proe die Brandewyn vir gifterigheid. Sif nou twee koppies sout of so iets. Wie gee om? Proe die Brandewyn. Sif die suurlemoenspa, dreineer dei neuter en gooi 'n tafel by.

Dan een lepel sjuiker, of sjo ietsj. Wat jy ook al kan kry.

Smjeer die oond. Draai die koekpan 360° en moenie val nie.

Menger die afskakel.

Gooi die bak deurrie venster en drunkie laasjte Brandewyn op.

Gekersde Seënfees!

[Bergie]

Bwaaahaaahhaaa.....lekker one's guy's.......hahahahahah :blue-badgrin: :blue-lol:

[MissBFSA]

If this doesn’t put a smile on your face – nothing will

WHO IS JACK SCHITT ?

For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt?

We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt!' Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple
produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.

Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.


Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently
returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can correct them.

Sincerely,

Crock O. Schitt

Regards,

[MissBFSA]

Fifteen days ago, I read that smoking can kill you;
the next day I stopped smoking.

Twelve days ago, I read that too much red meat can kill you;
the next day I stopped eating red meat.

Eight days ago, I read that drinking can kill you;
the next day I stopped drinking.

Yesterday, I read that having sex can kill you;
this morning I stopped reading.