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+--- Thread: Friday Funnies (/thread-7400.html)
Re: Friday Funnies - Riprap - 12-13-2013
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Re: Friday Funnies - Riprap - 01-05-2014
My next boat...........
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Re: Friday Funnies - Riprap - 01-05-2014
Splinters in Her Crotch !
A woman who was a tree hugging greenie purchased a piece of forest near Collie, WA .
There was a large tree in one of the highest parts of her forest. She wanted a good view of the natural splendour of her land, so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her crotch.
In considerable pain, she hurried to the local casualty department to see a doctor. She told him she was an environmentalist, and how she came to get all the splinters. The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go wait in the examining room and he would see if he could help her.
She sat and waited three hours before the doctor reappeared. The angry woman demanded, "What took you so long ?" He looked at her and said:
"Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Department of Land, Water and Biodiversity Conservation before I could remove some old-growth timber from a recreational area adjacent to a waste treatment facility. I'm sorry, but due to Christine Milne and her Green Party policies, they turned me down !"
Re: Friday Funnies - Jim_From_Zim - 01-07-2014
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cellular phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Hi Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes".
WOMAN: "I'm at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $2,000; is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much".
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked".
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$90,000". ;
MAN: "Okay but for that price I want it with all the options".
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing... I was just talking to Janie and found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $980,000 for it".
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They'll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty-thousand if it's what you really want".
WOMAN: "Okay. I'll see you later! I love you so much!"
MAN: "Bye! I love you, too".
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.
Then he smiles and asks "Anyone know whose phone this is?"
Re: Friday Funnies - Riprap - 01-13-2014
For those who are just starting out, this should help!
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Re: Friday Funnies - BuzzLiteBeer - 01-13-2014
DIY Trolling Motors!!
![[Image: mcpwrp.jpg]](http://i41.tinypic.com/mcpwrp.jpg)
Re: Friday Funnies - Q - 01-13-2014
riprap Wrote:For those who are just starting out, this should help!
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Must be a Daiwa :blue-badgrin: :blue-badgrin:
Re: Friday Funnies - Q - 01-13-2014
A young guy from Missouri moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under the roof department store" looking for a job.
The manager says " Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid says " Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Missouri."
Well, the boss liked the kid so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I"ll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough but he got through it.
After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many sales did you make today?" he asked.
The kid says "One."
The boss says, "Just one?!! Our sales people average 20 to 30 sales a day! How much was the sale for?
The kid says, " $101,237.64"
The boss says, "$101,237.64? WHAT THE HECK DID YOU SELL?"
Kid says, " First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was gonna need a boat. So we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft.
Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."
The boss said, " A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT AND A TRUCK??"
The kid says, " No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said, 'Well, your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing!!!' "
Re: Friday Funnies - Jim_From_Zim - 01-14-2014
Ahhh, such wonderful things that make us whole...
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Re: Friday Funnies - Riprap - 01-14-2014
Wahahahaaaaaaaaaaa, don't tell Bergie!
Re: Friday Funnies - Navrik - 01-14-2014
BuzzLiteBeer Wrote:DIY Trolling Motors!!
And the best part of this design is that it is re-chargeable :eusa_dance:
Re: Friday Funnies - Bergie - 01-14-2014
Rip Van Winkel....I wrote that and posted it on youtube boet.... :blue-biggrin: :blue-biggrin: ...Hic!
If all else fails.....drink whiskey.....sod the dog....Whiskey is man's best friend...Hic hic.... :blue-biggrin: :blue-biggrin:
Re: Friday Funnies - Riprap - 01-15-2014
Ja Bergie, only you hey....
A female CNN journalist heard about a very elderly Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time.
So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was,
walking slowly up to the holy site.
She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave,
using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.
"Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. What's your name?
"Morris Feinberg," he replied.
"Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?"
"For about 60 years."
"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"
"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims."
"I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop."
"I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults and to
love their fellow man."
"I pray that politicians tell us the truth and put the interests of the
people ahead of their own interests."
The Journalist then asked: "How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"
"Like I'm talking to a ******* wall."
Re: Friday Funnies - Jim_From_Zim - 01-15-2014
If all else fails, use mosquito spray
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nXL_ufssqcc[/youtube]
Video added by Nav
Re: Friday Funnies - Floatie - 01-15-2014
Jim_From_Zim Wrote:If all else fails, use mosquito spray
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Flip that was a good laugh to the end of the day!